Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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