I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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