I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
