My underwear smells like fireworks.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize