No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
