it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
