I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
