im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
