You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
two words: eviction party
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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