Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize