I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
