No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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