So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
