Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
