I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize