I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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