Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
