for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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