i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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