Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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