Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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