If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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