I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
