Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we're so committed to being not committed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
