I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
