he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
