i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
