dude i'm inner monologue high
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
