I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
