Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize