Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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