Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He felt like a one man threesome
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
