i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
