Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
