I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize