we're blogging at a bar
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
