Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
