My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
