i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
two words...techno handjob
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
