How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
