Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
