she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
