well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
