The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My vagina just clenched in fear
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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