ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
