I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
