3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
