I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
