And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
sarcasm needs its own font
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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