You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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