you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
