i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
