how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize