If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
