My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
