My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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