It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
