I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
