Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
