Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just pee around me
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
