Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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