I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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