is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we're so committed to being not committed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
