I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize