we have pet lesbian snakes
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
