This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
