WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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