So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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