We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
