she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
