You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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