how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
