I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
