Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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