i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize