Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
