i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize