Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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