It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
