His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
