I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
