so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
