Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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