I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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