I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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