You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
