you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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