I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
