ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My dick has a subreddit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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