yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize