apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
