Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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