I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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