I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
